i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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