Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize