Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is wine microwaveable?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
