goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
