Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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