My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
