And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
