he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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