I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
