Umm I'm too high to move.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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