i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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