my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
