i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
