At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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