So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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