Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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