i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
