you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
