i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
