I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What drink are we having for lunch?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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