i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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