I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
