can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
