oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
