So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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