It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
