Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Enjoy the penises
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
