Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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