I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
