Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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