How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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