Just cropdusted the office
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
