You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
