if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
