I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize