omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
