hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
