I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
