my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
