Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
