There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
