Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
