If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
