So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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