I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
