I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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