overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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