I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
