Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
