he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
