alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
