Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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