I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Farmville is her only friend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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