Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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