mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
