remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
