a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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