Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
