I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I would ride that face into the sunset
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize