I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize