Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
