Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
