I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
