is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
