fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
