hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
