I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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