why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
