I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
