Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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