So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
