Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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