I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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