We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
