I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
