I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will pee on everything he values.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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