just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was like eating out sand paper
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
