Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
