Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I still have a little drunk in my system
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
