I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize